happy father's day

Happy father’s day.

Well, this is gonna be kinda long post. If you got something else to do, go ahead. This entry is just a piece of crap. Oh. Who reads my blog anyway?

There are a lot of things going in my mind, I got a lot to be told, written, but somehow my fingers don’t know how to work it out.

Ayah.

I've never called anyone, as I remember as ayah. And it doesn't even have a meaning to me. Who needs ayah when you’re already got an iron woman as your mom?  I've never in my life imagine that I got someone to be called as ayah. But every time I look at the mirror, the reflection of him is always there. Yeah, most of the people who knows him, told me that I’m a feminine and a younger version of him. But the truth is, I've never met him. Not even once. The only thing I know about him is, he’s a reflection of mine.  Umi never told me or kakak anything bout him. It’s not her fault though. Maybe she just wanted to move on. Hell yeah, who says it’s easy to start a new life with two daughter and being the only parent to grow them up?

And tbh, most of my friends didn't know about wth had happened to me. It’s not that im hiding things from them, it just, I hate when they said ‘ouh, im sorry’

Wtf? Its not your fault that I don’t have him in my life. It aint my fault either. So don’t show me your sympathy. I don’t need that. Cause I never felt sad or whatever it is to the fact that I don’t have an ayah. It just, it’s my fate.  

Yeah. I’m sorry. It sounded rough. But it’s the way it is. I can’t help it.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY UMI. YOU'VE BEEN A GREAT DAD AND MUM TO ME. I DON’T NEED ANYBODY ELSE.

Who says we can’t be happy? The choice is in our hand. Find a way to cope with your sadness. Deal with it. It hurts, but it doesn't worth living in pain aite?