Wednesday, July 17, 2013


He’s smiling. His mum gets better. His world is getting brighter again. Nothing in this world matter as long as his mum stays healthy. But deep inside his heart, he’d prepare. If this is the time, he’ll let go of her.
‘abang, mak masuk hospital balik, pagi tadi dia tiba-tiba pengsan.’
Mendung. Dia terasa awan mendung berarak kembali.

He miscounts his step, his heart beats fast, and his mind blows away. He’s standing there, waiting for a miracle to happen. What will he do without her? What will happen if he loses her? Where should he go to heal his heart? And the most important thing is will he stay alive without her in his life?

 ‘farhan, taknak tolong mandikan jenazah mak kamu ni nak?’
far han hanya mengangguk. Lesu.
Mandikan jenazah?

‘farhan, awak dah solat?’
‘dah mak.’
Dia rasa berdosa kerana menipu, tapi itu pilihannya. Farhan sudah  berhenti mempercayai tuhan.


Alhamdulillah. He’s crying inside. He doesn’t wanna let his sisters see his tears. He’s a strong man. He’ll never cry again. He’d cry enough that day. The very last day he could see his mum. He didn’t cry because her mom had passed away, but he cries to the fact that he couldn’t do anything as a son. Because at that time, he’d stop believe on Allah. What would he do if he couldn’t even recite yaasin for his mum? He said he loved her. But, he couldn’t do anything. Anything!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

f a m i l y

i keep wondering what is it like to have a family. i mean a real one.