To be happy

All the pain in her eyes;
No one could see it. No one could reach it.

The pain that she's been hiding because she thinks nobody would care.
The pain that she's been living have already made her a home.
The pain that she thinks nobody would ever care.
Because all of her pain, she's been hiding it well.

Because she chose to be happy and she kept all the pain away.
Because instead of living in sadness she just wanted to be happy.

Nothing more but a girl

'Of all the pain in this vain, I train myself restrain'

I want to be loved even if I don't know how to love.
I want to be cared even if I don't know how to care.

All these walls I've built kept me away from all those bullshits.
And kept me away from all the love I think I deserve.

Nothing could speak my broken heart.
Nothing could speak my broken soul.

I've tried my best to fix it.
But the harder I tried, the higher the wall I built.

Day to day
I lost my love to cherish
I lost my soul to sing
I lost my heart to live

I keep telling myself I'm a queen. I'll fix myself.

But now I realize I don't need anything but a person to save me.

Because I am dear world; nothing more but a girl

Crying

I'm not crying.
Not because of I'm strong
But the fact that I'm so fragile I can't even handle my own breakdown.

I can't handle my tears.
That's the reason why I stop crying.

Memberi Tanpa menerima

Aku mungkin sedikit aggressive, mungkin sedikit angkuh, dan ada ego yang sangat tinggi. But i know what i want, and i pursue it, fast and furious. Because my eyes are selective and picky, and i do not let wild hearts come into my territory. I see those who i want, only those who i want, because i want them. I put efforts, i go beyond the distance, aku berikan masa dan ruang, walau tiada komitmen ataupun declaration. Kenapa? Sebab aku percaya akan konsep memberi tanpa  menerima. 

And the least you could do is to not break my hearts. Or atleast break it nicely.

Take me away

Kill me.
Take me away.
I just don't wanna live anymore.

pendapat.

‘Dilla,nanti kalau kau nak kawen kau nak laki tu bayar berapa?’

‘bayar?’

‘hantaran. Hehe’

‘hmm. Kalau aku,aku nak 5k je kot’

‘5?sikitnya. serious la. Mana cukup’

‘kau nakbuatapa hantaran banyak banyak?’

‘buat kenduri la.sekarang ni barang mahal kot. Mana cukup kenduri 5k je’

‘kau nak buat kenduri besar mana?’

‘besarla.kawen sekali je kot.’

‘entah la.aku kalau boleh taknak buat kenduri besar besar. Nak buat kecikje.tak pun gabung je sekali dengan sebelah suami aku nanti’

‘eleh kau kalau kau nak kecik pun kalau buat sekali mana cukup 5k’

‘kalau aku bayar half, tak boleh ke?’

‘mana boleh, lelaki la patut bayar untuk kenduri’

‘oh kalau kau nanti kau nak buat kenduri besar besaran pastu nak suami kau bayar la?’

‘ye la.diorang lelaki kot.pastu kenduri kan sekali je’

‘hmm.kenapa nak membazir spend duit sampai 10k untuk buat kenduri sehari and just untuk impress orang?’

‘habis tu kau nak buat kenduri kecik pastu kau pulak nak bayar half?habis mana peranan lelaki tu?’

‘salah ke aku nak bayar sikit.kan sama sama kawen.pastu duit lebih tu kalau ada, buat beli perabot, sewa rumah nanti pergi travel. Haa aku nak travel dengan suami aku lepas kawen hihihi’

‘eee pelik ah kau ni’

‘entah ah.aku bukan taknak kenduri meriah tapi aku fikir life after the ceremony semua tu. Cemana nak teruskan hidup kalau dah all out guna untuk majlis kawen. Kita buat majlis kawen besar besar untuk apa sebenarnya?impress kan orang? Tu je kn sebenarnya’

‘hmm susah ah cakap dengan kau ni.semua nak menang’

Rambut sama hitam orang kata. Hati lain lain kan. Entah Cuma aku rasa benda pasal kenduri semua ni nak buat besar besar macam irrelevant je.ke aku yang pelik? Mungkin kot.

Happy birthday Umi

I'm so busy living, growing that sometimes I forgot you're also growing, yes you're growing older. 20 years of living I've got a lot to say to you, but I've never have the gut to say it. But now, I do.

Happy birthday Umi. Selamat menyambut hari kelahiran yang ke 49. How time flies. I'm already 20. And you're almost half of decade.

Having you in my life mean so much to me. Having you as my mum taught me how a woman can be as tough as man. And having you taught me that I can be anything that I want despite of all the bad things people ever said to me.

Having you in my life is a bless.

Alhamdulillah.

Even though we don't have too many things to cherish on, there's one thing that I'm so sure of, you'll never let me go. Kan Umi? You'll support me through my thick and thin. You'll always there for me kan Umi?

Thanks Umi for always there supporting me and believing in me. Setiap kali adik malas belajar, adik Akan bayang kan Muka Umi. Adik janji Takkan kecewakan Umi. Keep my words. Doakan adik jadi anak yang baik , hamba yang patuh pada perintah tuhan Nya dan berjaya dunia akhirat. Thanks Umi. I love you.